As someone who has spent decades studying human behaviour and the peculiarities of communication, I find Donald Trump’s writing style utterly fascinating. It’s rather like watching a jazz musician who’s never learned to read music create a chart-topping hit – it shouldn’t work, but somehow it does. Brilliantly.

The Power of Beautiful, Beautiful Repetition

Let me tell you something, and this is very important – tremendously important. When you’re writing like Trump, you must understand that repetition isn’t just repetition. It’s emphasis. It’s persuasion. It’s beautiful, really beautiful. Some might say it’s the most beautiful form of emphasis ever created, maybe ever.

The trick, you see, is to treat adjectives like perfectly good champagne – why have one glass when you can have three? Where a normal writer might say “It was a good meeting,” Trump would tell you it was a “great, incredible, amazing meeting – maybe the best meeting in history.”

Short, Punchy Sentences. Very Punchy.

You know what’s wrong with most writers today? They write these long, complicated sentences. Terrible. Just terrible. When you’re channelling Trump, you want short sentences. Really short. Like this. It creates impact. Tremendous impact.

The Art of the Verbal U-Turn

Here’s something fascinating – Trump’s writing often employs what I call the ‘verbal U-turn’. He’ll start a sentence going in one direction, then – bang! – he’s off somewhere completely different. It’s rather like watching a taxi driver who suddenly remembers he left his lunch at home.

For example: “We’re going to build infrastructure, beautiful infrastructure, and nobody builds better than me, believe me, and the fake news media, they’re really terrible people, just awful, they won’t tell you this, but my uncle was a great professor at MIT.”

The Power of Made-Up Words (Bigly)

Now, this is particularly clever. When existing words don’t quite capture what you want to say, simply create new ones. Covfefe might have been a typo, but it became a cultural phenomenon. That’s not a bug – it’s a feature.

Numbers: The Bigger, The Better

When writing in Trump’s style, numbers should always be dramatic. Huge, even. Don’t say “many people” when you can say “millions and millions of people.” Don’t say “it’s popular” when you can say “it’s setting records like nobody’s ever seen before.”

The Secret Sauce: Absolute Certainty

Here’s the clever bit – and this is absolutely brilliant marketing psychology. When writing like Trump, you must project complete, unwavering certainty. No hedging, no maybes, no perhaps. Everything is either “the best” or “the worst.” There’s no middle ground, and that’s what makes it so compelling.

Why It Works (And It Does Work, Believe Me)

The genuine stroke of genius in Trump’s writing style is that it completely bypasses the rational brain and goes straight for the emotional jugular. It’s the linguistic equivalent of comfort food – it might not be sophisticated, but it’s incredibly satisfying to a large number of people.

I’ve seen marketing campaigns worth millions achieve less emotional engagement than a single Trump tweet. It’s rather like comparing a Michelin-starred soufflé to a bacon sandwich at 2 AM – sometimes the simpler option just hits the spot.

In Conclusion (Which Will Be Great, Believe Me)

To write like Trump, you need to throw away everything you learned about proper writing. All of it. Gone. Instead, embrace repetition, certainty, and simple language. Create your own words. Use short sentences. Be dramatic. And always, always end with a bang.

And let me tell you, if you follow these rules – and they’re very good rules, the best rules – you’ll be writing like Trump in no time. Believe me. It’s going to be great, folks. Really great.